The Saga Ends and A New Goal is Born

I really don’t have to process this anymore. My writings and daily pondering has given me the answers that I needed. I know what my mistakes were and what the challenges are – and I know what I want to do next. At this point, I am only telling a story, but it is not a story without lessons - or humor- or trials, so let me go on…

One of the reasons I wanted to run a second marathon was to eat pizza. Of course, I wanted to feel the euphoria of finishing – there has been nothing like it in my life – but I also remember it being the one day that I didn’t at all consider calories. When I was hungry I got up and ate something. My favorite foods are pizza and peanut butter, but I have not had pizzeria pizza in forever and two days. When I completed the Sarasota Marathon my friends chose our celebratory restaurant and I gladly accompanied them, but there was no pizza. So it was on my mind as I trained. I also know that my Mom would love to see me eat pizza – because she is Italian and that is what Italian Mom’s want. So my crazy motivating reward was to meet my mom on Sunday and say I ran another marathon Mom lets go get some pizza. (and my sister too). I had even gone to the local pizzeria a few days before and obtained a take out menu for encouragement. So Saturday night I thought I better call my Mom because she might make plans and THEN what. I emailed her instead though – said I would be calling her the next day and would like to see her. Of course, I couldn’t say what or why or when because I was ONLY doing this if I succeeded. Mom called right away – she had PLANS. So I thought I was going to cry, I almost did cry, but sucked it up. It was just one of those things – though I thought, maybe I could wait until later and still have pizza with mom somehow.

The rest of the evening left me worrying about my hip flexor and my foot, what to wear, what to carry with me in my two little pockets, what to put in the gear bag (12 dollars for my flushing massage), why I still had a headache and would it be cold. I had looked at the course map several times and had it segmented. Six miles around this little island like area, then six miles the other way and then about 6.5 out and back for the finish. I like to break my long runs into loops, so four or so loops of six – I could DO THIS. I slept fitfully, but the rule is to get the best sleep the night before the night before and mine sort of was. I thought I did all the right things to prepare and now I just had to trust it would pay off. (I was also spent from the stress of having to train on a timetable; to run when the weather was bad, or when something hurt, or early or late in the day – etc because I was training for a specific date – for 2/28/10 at 6am) The alarm went off at 445 and my coffee brewed and my bowels emptied and all seemed OK. I struggled over whether or not to put the IPOD in a pocket. You are not encouraged to race with earphones, but I thought I might need help at the end – even so, I wanted my Gu Chomps and my extra ¼ PB sandwich – so I left the IPOD in hopes of the power of the pace group.

I chose to wear running tights, my running bra tops and a long sleeve top, my Garmen GPS, a ball cap, ear wrap, sunglasses, and doo rag – I wore a hoodie for the ride over, put my money, extra drink, camera and black berry in the bag. I wanted to be able to call my mom or post to Facebook about my accomplishment when I was imbibing at the finish line.

I went downstairs and saw other runners. It was dark outside, in the low forties, and the sun was expected. No shuttle came – ever. The driver could not get through. It was after 530 when we chose to walk. None of these people were speaking to me, I just tagged along. My friends were at other hotels. It was dark. I followed footsteps. We were at a bridge in fifteen minutes or so and headed to the start line – but the gear check was INSIDE the convention center and I could not get to it. The runners were all lined up. I was along side the road, the runners were inside a portable fence, corralled. I had my back pack with me and nowhere to put it. Out of desperation I shoved it under the stage where the sponsor was speaking. I could not get to the start line. The people in front of me were seeded. That means they were going to run the full or half in ungodly paces of 5-6 minute miles. I tried to get into the corral. I finally got in the middle and had to go back, the wrong way, looking for the pacer group. It was like sardines. I found her, Tonya. I did not see any of my friends in the line up. It was six a.m. The marathon began and I hit the start button on my GPS, about a quarter mile later I realized I never “found the satellites” so the watch hadn’t started. I remedied that. I worried about the bag – my blackberry. I kept thinking of what I would do to replace it. Then I realized that the finish line was in a different place. I do not know what I worried about more, my body or my bag.

I was not too cold – and only intermittently too warm. The first couple miles I did concentrate on warming up and keeping moving. I listened to the others. I pondered 26.2 miles ahead of me. Nearly five hours of running. The first 12 miles were harder than I think they should have been – mentally. At around 12 or 13 I heard, “dee dee! dee dee!” and it was Martha – so wonderful to see my friend, but she was going around a bend a half or so miles behind me (I should have ran with her). When someone said mile 13, I felt it should have been 15 and so it went. Seemed like my 18 miler training run was less hard than this and I was in a race for goodness sakes, where was the adrenaline. The pain started around 13 or 15, but not in my foot. Both hip flexors, (think the fold of your hips, maybe were your underwear lines your legs, that area. ) Eventually it became a throbbing pain on the right side. That long stretch out seemed too long. I kept hoping we would get through the OUT and on to the BACK . That then I would be distracted by the sense of finishing – of the home stretch. I just couldn’t talk myself through it like I did last time and again, I was not with the people who knew me – my biggest mistake.

I remember the training and the fear and how I told myself I wasn’t ever going to do this again after today and I really think that I weakened my mind. I do not think my heart was in it. I regret not trying to get to the back side, but I stopped at an aid station right before mile 18. Some ten or fifteen minutes later, Martha and my friends Chuck and Justin went by. They saw me in the golf cart with another runner, wrapped in those silver space blankets. They looked worried. I gave a thumbs up. It broke my heart. I did not cry.

The ride back was ridiculous – freezing cold - my new friend (we called ourselves the marathon bailers) and I were sweaty. It was six to eight miles back to the finish and it took forever! We passed all kinds of runners and some who had stopped. When we finally got there, we were both stiff as a board from the sitting – ouch. I had to get directions back to the deserted start area – the stage was standing, but the area looked like a ghost town. The bag was there, untouched. (glad I paid the honor box)

I was tired, sore, defeated, hungry – I drank my electrolyte drink, ate more peanut butter sandwich, changed from the shirt to the jacket – and realized I had no idea how to get back to my hotel – a mile away. Some people walked by – I asked, they didn’t know, but one of them looked it up on their smart phone and gave me the number. I starting walking towards a main street as the hotel clerk answered. Of course, I was going the wrong way. I had to go back over the bridge – on the bridge the post race food lined the sides and the people were there with their medals. I did not take food – It took a long time to get to the hotel. I remember when I was still running and when I thought about stopping and when I waited for the cart to come and get me - my thought “I just want to be home in my apartment warm and away from this trial. “

I felt somewhat better back in my room. I had asked for a late checkout – as I expected to finish the race and celebrate, call Mom and set up my pizza date – etc. So I had time to settle, reflect, pack, shower, check out – get home, hey and I could even do my grocery shopping because 18 miles is NOTHING>

So I ran the shower and ran it and ran it, but I could not make the water hot. I called the desk and said, I don’t have hot water in the shower. “Ma’am there is no hot water in the hotel.” SIGH…. I went home sticky.

So you know the whole story and a lot more about me.

My objective after this poor outcome included not rewarding myself but also not punishing myself. It was hard not to cry and harder still not to second guess… I should have kept going… but at the time I did not know how. I also didn’t have the luxury of having days to recuperate because I had to go to work the next day and I even had to work until 8pm. How could I do that if I couldn’t stand up?

My mistakes – avoiding my friends is the big one – not getting to the starting area soon enough was a HUGE stress inducer - not having long enough to train might be in here too.
My challenges – time, body, training, but most importantly, the challenge of having to work around a date and place that you cannot change. If I did not have to do the event on a certain date then I could train smart and according to my body. If I had to ease off because of work, I could. If I needed to have my foot xrayed it would be okay. If the race day was too cold or it rained or insert scenario, I could do it another day. If it wasn’t an all or nothing looming EVENT I could do it. I needed to work the 26.2 miles into MY schedule.

And that is what I have decided to do. I am going to start over – train at MY comfort level and then with or without a few of my friends, I will run the Deirdre Pizza Marathon on my own given Sunday!

Now we can get back to the real news tomorrow.